Feb. 18th, 2005

kaito: (Default)
So, I'm sitting here in the theater office and feeling completely and utterly down in the dumps. Not only am I exhausted from all of this improv stuff, I barely got to do anything in the show tonight and my parents were here. I always want to do my best, so when I don't get to, I feel like a loser or that the other people on the team don't like me. Then they had two short shows in which a few people got to go twice, but did I get to play? No! Never mind that I've never missed a rehearsal and a few first year people are in. Sure, I don't come to Cool Beans, but I don't have a freaking car and I'm too shy to ask for rides!!! They should know that! I'm just as competent!!! God, I now regret starting in competitive individual improv, I really do. I completely lack the mentality I should have. Either that, or it's just my depression. I better go, people keep staring at me and if they read this, word could get to the heads and I don't want them to know. It's my problem. I don't want them to either a) think I'm not a team player and completely leave me out or b) let me do waaaay too much to make me feel better. I've even got my Zoloft back... Curse this unexplainable illness. Curse it, I say!

Oh yes, the other thing that's bugging me. Obviously, I love individual improv. I think it's great. This guy who was here last year was doing a show again and I was really pumped to see it. But this one lady in the audience not only kept yelling lines for outsiders, she actually got up on stage with him! In the solo show! Everybody says she's supposed to be good, but it made me so mad!!! I wanted solo improv, not one guy being three people and then a lady! I really hope I don't run into her. With the way my mind is working right now, I could definitely say something I regret. You know, it's times like this when I don't know why I love improv. Let's hope the feelings that have kept me going come back soon, cause this is not good.


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